Attachment can be looked at from many different angles, but in broad terms:

Attachment is the scientific study of human relationships.

Since the early 1950s the research has been accumulating and it all says the same basic thing:

The relationship with the caregiver(s) is the single most powerful and modifiable influence on the developing mind and brain of a child.

This relationship affects how the child will think. It affects how they will feel. It affects how they will relate to others. It influences their behavior. And most importantly, it significantly impacts how they will experience themselves and the people around them throughout their life.

At this point many people will ask,”But isn’t inborn temperament important?” The answer is, “Absolutely yes!” But inborn temperament is not a variable that can be changed, whereas the relationship you have with your child can be consciously modified to the benefit of their maturation (as well as your own maturation… more on this in a later blog).

Some camps believe that “children are who they are” and that the parenting does not change that one iota. Well then, let’s put them in the basement with enough food, water, and crayons and they should turn out just fine — right? We all know this isn’t true.

How we interact with our children matters. What we think children are matters. And how our love is communicated matters.

The psychological effects of caregiving have been recognized for over 50 years, and now we are beginning to collect the neurobiological data that underlies these psychological changes. In the weeks to come, I will explain attachment — what it is and what it isn’t. We’ll explore the different attachment types and how they relate to different styles of parenting. We’ll also explore some of the fascinating science of Interpersonal Neurobiology as laid out by Dan Siegel, Alan Schore and others. And I will be periodically offering some practical things you can try at home with your children to raise the bar for parenting in this country.