Now it is time to hear from you parents out there: What qualities, capacities, and values do you want to pass on to your children in their journey to become “fully themselves?” When you feel into your deepest hopes for them, what do you find? Tell us what characteristics in your son or daughter would fill you with admiration, satisfaction, and fullness for what they have become.
Use the comments section below to share your views with the group. I want to hear about your view of “what is a fully developed human being?” We are the people who are shaping the next generation and I would like to engage in this endeavor as consciously as possible. Anyone up for that?
And for you hardcore practitioners, here is a deeper level of exploration and vulnerability: What qualities and capacities do you still need to work on in order to adequately model them for your child? Is patience an area that requires some additional attention and practice for you? (This is one of my big ones.) If you want them to be a compassionate person, are you actively engaging in the highest level of compassion that you are capable? And if not, what things could you do to support your ongoing practice of compassion? Is mindfulness a quality that you would like to see them develop? What things do you know are necessary to support your emerging capacity for mindfulness? Remember: We parents are big children in the midst of our own journey of becoming.
Share whatever you are comfortable with sharing. And if vulnerability is an area you are working on, share more! This is our one life, folks. Let’s be clear about what we love.
If you don’t know the kind of person I am
and I don’t know the kind of person you are
a pattern that others made may prevail in the world
and following the wrong god home we may miss our star.
For there is many a small betrayal in the mind,
a shrug that lets the fragile sequence break
sending with shouts the horrible errors of childhood
storming out to play through the broken dyke.
And as elephants parade holding each elephant’s tail,
but if one wanders the circus won’t find the park,
I call it cruel and maybe the root of all cruelty
to know what occurs but not recognize the fact.
And so I appeal to a voice, to something shadowy,
a remote important region in all who talk:
though we could fool each other, we should consider—
lest the parade of our mutual life get lost in the dark.
For it is important that awake people be awake,
or a breaking line may discourage them back to sleep;
the signals we give—yes or no, or maybe—
should be clear: the darkness around us is deep.
William Stafford, A Ritual to Read Each Other
Chris White, M.D. is a board-certified pediatrician whose parenting work aims to optimize the developmental potential of children and their parents. He regularly writes on 
what is a fully developed human being? i’m not sure i can answer that completely, but it causes me to ponder all the energy i may have utilized in more productive ways, had i felt safe (even held) in the world. i’ve been thinking about a lot of first-chakra-related stuff lately around survival, fear, and tribal imprinting. i realize my parents meant me no harm, but i wonder how different it could have been if i had grown up thinking that there IS enough. as an adult now i can feel so much wealth, sitting on a stump drinking wine out of a mason jar. it just takes affirming and appreciating that moment for what it is.
a lot of these first chakra issues are around fear of the ability to survive in a rough world. can i, as mama to a 5 month old, imprint upon her as her “world” that she is safe and taken care of? for her to grow up trusting that she is an intricate piece of the human puzzle, and her mistakes are part of a beautiful process of becoming the complicated flower that she is. that only her soul knows the way, and that by surrendering to it, she will be provided for in the ways she needs, and witness life as the miracle that it is. sometimes she is only content in my arms, and yet i eventually have to set her down. she may not understand my words yet, but i say them again and again, “i hear you, i hear you…” i want her to know that even if she isn’t getting what she wants in the moment, that her needs are heard, respected, and attended to as soon as i can do it.
i am doing my best to emulate the things i find to be true, consciously releasing myself from past mistakes, forgiving myself and others, unraveling my “stories” that often justify selfish behavior or protect me from taking any blame. i want to live as a conscious adult, with all the different parts of me integrated so i can be valuable in the world instead of doing harm to myself or others, often unconsciously.
i want to be an amazing parent that can set an example of my deep understanding that we are always given what we need, although sometimes in strange packages, that there is greater wisdom at work, and acceptance of each moment means that there is always enough.
Just beautiful stephanie. Very powerful.
Incredibly lucky little girl, that Nutka Rose…
And keep the comments coming. Words like these can provide a felt-sense of community and give us all heart as we move toward what we love.
Miss ya, and see you soon!
Gratitude, acceptance, compassion, deep consideration for those we share the world with, a sense of responsibility , hope, self learning, wonder.
The full capacity of an infant is crawling, pooping in her pants, and drooling. It never occurs to us that an infant is not fulfilling his/her potential.
Where did we get the idea that we are any different. We all have the potential to reach Buddha or Christ consciousness. This is as much in our nature as is walking when we are infants. But this could take a few life times, and it is not our goal, any more than walking is.
Our divine, god-given qualities are already in our core, and when we feel secure and safe, they just shine forth – confidence, generosity, humor, creativity, compassion, to name a few.
However, when we feel threatened, we constrict, protect and defend, and we can become quite violent. This is our nature when threatened.
When we realize there is no threat because we are spiritual, not material beings, we easily turn the other check.
When we fail to realize this, we seek justice and revenge. We condemn.
Yet the possibility forgiving instead of condemning is in us, including the possibility of forgiving ourselves and others for condemning.
We are all fully fulfilling our potential at every moment. Today I crawl. Tomorrow I may walk. Then I may fly. And if I never reach these It is not for lack of effort or desire. Other things are meant for me.
Thank you, Chris, for your invitation, and your comments on my Facebook page, “Ask Ric” at http://www.facebook.com/pages/manage/?act=20094734#/pages/ASK-RIC-The-Place-Where-Parenting-Questions-Get-Answers/171645912354
Wonderful comments…thank you for sharing!
You really point to the crucible of practice and grace. To realize our spiritual nature requires a certain grit in the face of our fear-based reactivity (especially as we interact with our children). What do we need to do stay conscious and loving while we are under orders from our limbic system to become angry, judgmental, and punitive? Each person needs to grapple with this question for themselves. And if we succeed in countering our fear systems with the addition of acceptance, trust, love, or other more integrating qualities, grace may descend and remind us that there is a deeper holding here — that the divine has us now and always.