Knowing and Not Knowing

One of the primary ways that we mature as human beings is through developing insight. As we see more deeply into the nature of reality and human consciousness, we can’t help but to begin to align our behavior with our insights, which is a harmonization with the intelligence of Life itself. Last week I explored some of the various types of insight that can be helpful in our parenting, as well as in our own development. This post will focus on the importance of balancing our knowing with not knowing aspects of mind as a way to develop our capacity for insight.

One of the amazing things about this period in human history is that we have access to enormous amounts of knowledge at the click of a button or a quick visit to Border’s “Parenting” section. Chances are that you know things about human development that your parents did not know when they were raising you. This can benefit your children greatly if your knowledge is reflected in your behavior. This kind of conceptual knowledge is very powerful. When we learn something new, we can look at situations through this new lens and perceive something that we could not perceive before. In this way, models of development can help us see more deeply into reality, help us align our behaviors accordingly, and in turn support more easeful development for our children and ourselves simultaneously.

As helpful as acquiring new knowledge is, ultimately the most powerful state that paves the way for new learning is a what the Buddhist’s call “Beginner’s Mind.” This is a state of curiosity, of open and bright attention free from the usual deluge of conceptual knowledge that our mind tries to paint over reality. In this state, we are interested in the present moment and our direct felt-experience of its display. We have no agenda other than to see how reality is revealing itself now, free from our historical filters and projections. This “don’t-know” mind helps support the emergence of more subtle, and often bodily-based, information to arise in our consciousness that is sometimes referred to as intuition. Access to our “don’t-know” mind can be especially important when we find ourselves at an impasse with our children, our partners, or a life situation that demands something deeper than rational problem-solving skills.

It is with the heart that one sees rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.
Antoine de Saint-Exupery, The Little Prince

And yet, it can be uncomfortable to be in a state of not knowing. Western culture rewards the factual-knowing, left hemisphere-dominated function of our brain, and many of us (yours truly as a prime example!) are somewhat addicted to labeling, categorizing, and knowing how everything works. So to just sit quiet for a moment, to acknowledge that “mostly I don’t know what is happening right now,” and to be curious, soft, and open without moving immediately into action can be very tough. Yet for many of us, it may be the next frontier of our growth.

Wisdom begins with wonder.
Socrates

Take Home: If we can hold our conceptual knowing in one hand and the openness of not knowing in the other and allow both to remain as parts of a larger truth, in time a new level of knowing will emerge: a direct experiential knowing that reveals itself with profound clarity and a palpable presence. This may be what we call wisdom.

Try: Make the intention this week to begin to balance knowing with not knowing. Once the awareness arises that your state of consciousness is being dominated by the rational, thinking-mind, try gently shifting into a “Beginner’s Mind.” Here is one way to support this shift:

Take a deep breath into your belly, bringing your attention down to the physical sensations of the belly’s expansion on the inhale, and then allow your belly to soften and relax open on the exhale. Next, inhale into your heart center, feeling the chest fill and expand on the inhale, and then let your heart dissolve out in all directions on the exhale. Lastly, take a breath and imagine breathing into your head and filling it with air on the inhale. Feel into the sensations that arise in your head center as you inhale, and then on the exhale again allow the air to dissolve out from your head in all directions leaving behind an open, empty space.
From this place, allow yourself to be in an open, “don’t-know,” and curious state of consciousness. Just sense yourself, your body, and the world around you free from concepts for as long as you can. When your thinking mind begins to assert itself again, try just turning this curious, open-attention toward the thinking mind itself. See if any insights arise spontaneously from this spacious curiosity free from effort.

Please share your experience of the practice with us in our comments section below.

Read more about curiosity and not-knowing on neuropsychologist and meditation teacher Rick Hanson’s website.
For you heavy-duty philosophers out there, click here for an in depth interview with Hameed Ali, creator of the Diamond Approach. In the first two and a half pages he discusses different forms of knowing and their limitations.