Autonomy and the Emergent Process
Without the internal fire to become ones own person – to develop your own beliefs, feelings, desires and motivations – we do not feel responsible for our actions and instead live in a perpetual illusion of victimhood. Last week I relayed Daniel Pink’s proposal that autonomy, mastery, and purpose are the areas that we should focus on developing if we want to bring the best out of human beings. This week I will take autonomy and widen it into a more useful construct: the emergent process. The emergent process is one of three streams of the maturational process as...
Read MorePreserving Intrinsic Motivation
When unconditional love and genuine enthusiasm are always present, “Good job!” isn’t necessary; when it’s absent, “Good job!” won’t help. Alfie Kohn In his book Drive, Daniel Pink lays out the overwhelming evidence that Behaviorism — the use of punishments and rewards — is not the best way to motivate people. And I will promptly add, especially if those people happen to be your family. Though the book is primarily aimed at helping business practices re-align with the scientific evidence on how people are actually motivated, the conclusions are directly applicable to...
Read MoreReward and Punishment
Be careful of rules for your children. Rules diminish responsibility. Be careful of rewards for your children. Rewards diminish self-esteem. Be careful of punishments for your children. Punishments diminish trust. Let lessons be imposed by the nature of things, not by your own agendas or your own needs. Integrity will replace rules. Contentment will replace striving. Spirituality will replace religion. Songs will replace arguments. Dances will replace battles. William Martin, The Parents Tao Te Ching Come and learn about the alternatives to punishment and rewards in Attachment,...
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Chris White, M.D. is a board-certified pediatrician whose parenting work aims to optimize the developmental potential of children and their parents. He regularly writes on 
