Beyond Behaviorism
The last couple of posts I have been unpacking praise and trying to make the distinction between praise used as manipulation and praise that is simply the natural response of the heart when we see the great mystery manifesting through our child in the form of some new capacity or insight. What I am really pointing to is the importance of stepping out of the judgmental layer — the layer where punishments and manipulative praise are believed to be the best way toward appropriate behavior. Not only is this approach ineffective in the long run, it is also harmful to our relationship with our...
Read MoreUnpacking Praise
“We have a cultural notion that if children were not engineered, if we did not manipulate them, they would grow up as beasts in the field. This is the wildest fallacy in the world.” Joseph Chilton Pearce Last week I summarized an article by Alfie Kohn on praise, and then tried to add some clarifications that I thought to be important. Judging by some of your responses, I need to try another pass at it this week. I am going to do this in a very exaggerated manner to make the distinctions clear. As regular readers of my blog know, I do not usually like to reduce the complexity of...
Read More“Good Job!”
Continuing with the theme of punishments and rewards, this week I will summarize an article by Alfie Kohn entitled, Five Reasons to Stop Saying “Good Job!” The first thing that Kohn points out is that he is not questioning that kids should be supported and encouraged by their parents, but that unconditional love and support need to be differentiated from praise that is used as a form of positive reinforcement to try to get a particular result. That use of praise is clearly conditional (ie. offered only when the conditions are to our liking). His five reasons to stop saying...
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Chris White, M.D. is a board-certified pediatrician whose parenting work aims to optimize the developmental potential of children and their parents. He regularly writes on 
