The Power of Soft Hearts
“Parenthood is above all a relationship, not a skill to be acquired. Attachment is not a behavior to be learned but a connection to be sought.” Gordon Neufeld, Hold On to Your Kids Right now I am in Vancouver, BC, right smack in the middle of a two-week training with Dr. Gordon Neufeld. It has been a phenomenal week of integration for me, bringing together many threads of how maturation works with much greater clarity. And at the same time, it has provoked just as many questions as it has answers. This is how I know I am in the right place. I will use this post to summarize the...
Read MoreThe Forms of Attachment
“What can you do to promote world peace? Go home and love your family.” Mother Teresa Over the last several months I have written about how the relationship we have with our children affects their nervous systems. This includes momentary changes in their state of consciousness as well as how our interactions shape the development of their brains over time. Thus far I have tried to make more general comments and not be too scientific about things, but now it is time to lay out some of this science so we have a common understanding as we move forward into deeper waters. In this...
Read MoreThe Purpose of Attachment
What is the purpose of Attachment anyways? Last week I defined the attachment system as a set of motivational drives and capacities designed to maintain proximity between trusted loved ones. This brings us to the next logical question: “What is the purpose of the attachment system?” The quick (and incomplete) answer is to meet the needs of the dependent member of the attachment relationship (the child). Humans have many different levels of needs and internal motivational drives to obtain those needs. I like to summarize these drives as the: Survival drive Relational...
Read MoreThe Attachment System
“Before you were conceived, I wanted you. Before you were born, I loved you. Before you were here an hour, I would die for you. This is the miracle of Love.” Maureen Hawkins Human beings are fueled by deep biological instincts to care for those we love. This is the essence of the attachment system. Evolution has created this system as a way of keeping all social mammals — including human beings — together as long as maturation needs to be supported. This attachment system is a set of motivational drives and capacities designed to maintain proximity between trusted loved...
Read MoreAttachment is ….
Attachment can be looked at from many different angles, but in broad terms: Attachment is the scientific study of human relationships. Since the early 1950s the research has been accumulating and it all says the same basic thing: The relationship with the caregiver(s) is the single most powerful and modifiable influence on the developing mind and brain of a child. This relationship affects how the child will think. It affects how they will feel. It affects how they will relate to others. It influences their behavior. And most importantly, it significantly impacts how they will experience...
Read MoreIntro to the Essential Parenting Blog
Are you interested in how attachment affects the developing brain? How our relationship with our children actually changes the way they experience themselves and the world? And how mindfulness practice can optimize both their brain development and their functioning in the world? The Essential Parenting Blog is designed to answer two fundamental questions: 1) What is a human being? 2) How does one develop, grow, and mature? The first series of articles — Attachment, Mindfulness, and the Developing Brain — will focus on Attachment Theory and how a child’s attachment relationship with...
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Chris White, M.D. is a board-certified pediatrician whose parenting work aims to optimize the developmental potential of children and their parents. He regularly writes on 
