Attachment Theory

Attachment Parenting 2.0 — Part 5

Posted by on Nov 15, 2012 in Attachment Parenting, Attachment Theory | 1 comment

There are things you can do every day to help your child feel connected to you. I will tell you a few stories about times with my oldest boy, Kai, so you can get a feel for how we deepen feelings of closeness in our home beyond simply being physically together. Once you get a sense of the principles, you will intuitively come up with your own ways to help your child "hold on" to you, which in turn supports them in feeling better, functioning better, and growing into their full potential in life most ease-fully.

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Attachment Parenting 2.0 — Part 4

Posted by on Oct 21, 2012 in Attachment Parenting, Attachment Theory, Practical Parenting | 1 comment

I once read an article on a very popular Attachment Parenting (AP) web site that said this: "A mother should never leave her child's side until the child is at least three years old because it will traumatize the child." This is simply not true. Attachment is much more than baby-bonding. One of the main confusions that continues in the AP literature is the belief that attachment is all about being physically together. To help move the conversation forward, lets turn to the brilliant research of Gordon Neufeld. After taking a year to study all of the various descriptions of how human beings stay connected to each other, Gordon landed on a model that describes six levels of attachment—five beyond physically being connected.

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Attachment Parenting 2.0 — Part 3

Posted by on Oct 5, 2012 in Attachment Parenting, Attachment Theory, Practical Parenting | 0 comments

Many of you are bordering on superhero status. I know; I have seen it. You are making heroic efforts every day to pull yourself out of bed on very little sleep, to be cheerful, attentive, and available. But if you are caring for your children without a village of support, you are probably feeling a little thin. If it is only you and your partner caring for your children, that is too small. Few if any nuclear families I have seen look relaxed, rested, and unstressed. Something is amiss. Everything I have seen points to this simple fact: "It takes a village." Not that our kids won't survive and be all right. But let's be honest: things could be better. So here are a few suggestions to help you widen your village.

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Attachment is Hierarchical

Posted by on Sep 25, 2011 in Attachment Theory, Parenting Education | 0 comments

Discipline — the development of an ordered mind that underlies the capacities of self-motivation, self-direction, responsible action, and respectful interactions (among others) — is a long-term project. It takes many years for the brain to wire up in a complex enough way for our children to be able to Control their impulsive urges Regulate their bodies and emotions Develop present centered-focus to reach a far-off goal Become empathic and compassionate Navigate the tension between being authentic and respectful of others First and foremost, this development requires our kids to be...

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The Power of Soft Hearts

Posted by on Jul 10, 2010 in Attachment Theory | 5 comments

“Parenthood is above all a relationship, not a skill to be acquired. Attachment is not a behavior to be learned but a connection to be sought.” Gordon Neufeld, Hold On to Your Kids Right now I am in Vancouver, BC, right smack in the middle of a two-week training with Dr. Gordon Neufeld. It has been a phenomenal week of integration for me, bringing together many threads of how maturation works with much greater clarity. And at the same time, it has provoked just as many questions as it has answers. This is how I know I am in the right place. I will use this post to summarize the...

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The Forms of Attachment

Posted by on May 22, 2010 in Attachment Parenting, Attachment Theory | 7 comments

“What can you do to promote world peace? Go home and love your family.” Mother Teresa Over the last several months I have written about how the relationship we have with our children affects their nervous systems. This includes momentary changes in their state of consciousness as well as how our interactions shape the development of their brains over time. Thus far I have tried to make more general comments and not be too scientific about things, but now it is time to lay out some of this science so we have a common understanding as we move forward into deeper waters. In this...

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