Heartbroken
Tonight my heart is heavy. I listened into the phone in pain as my wife told me how my son cried tonight — his back turned to her as they lay in bed together — sobbing, three and a half, but fully heartbroken. He had to say goodbye (again) to his best friend and caregiver, Gina. This young woman has always given him her full and undivided attention and adoration. They laugh and play and cuddle every minute of their five-hour stretches together. If it weren’t for their obvious age difference, you would think they are lovers. And they are. I have never been so pained by the...
Read MoreBeing or Becoming?
“The happier I have allowed myself to be, the happier my children have become. The more I have become myself, the more they have done the same.” William Martin, The Parents Tao Te Ching Should we spend our energy trying to help our children to become more competent, more disciplined, and grow into their full potential? Or should we simply let them be? Let’s start with some fundamental truths: Children are always perfectly themselves. There is no amount of pushing and pulling them towards any future potential that can make them any more themselves than they already...
Read MoreA Deep Bow to Fathers Everywhere
This is a letter of appreciation to fathers, and to the fatherly qualities that parents of each gender offer as nourishment to our beloved children. Thank you daddy, for making sure that we have a roof over our heads, that we have food in our bellies, and that we have a place where we can relax into each others arms in safety. Thank you for holding me like I am the most precious jewel in the entire world. Thank you for mirroring to me my presence and my own essential nature. And thank you for simply breathing with me as we hug, holding me firmly but gently against your strong body until I am...
Read MorePoignancy – The Revelation of the Real
This moment feels like most of the others. I am just driving home, aware of many “happenings,” but not all that connected emotionally to the stuff going on around me. And then pops into my head, a story I recently heard: Late one night, a pregnant mother’s water breaks and her contractions begin to come announcing the imminent arrival of her second child. She wakes her husband and let’s him know that “it is time.” As he begins to pack the bags for the hospital, she heads up stairs to her three-year old daughter’s room. She opens the door quietly,...
Read MoreThis Love is Our Ground and Our Sky
Last night I dreamed a dream within a dream. My body was dying, it was clear death was imminent, and I was faced with the horrifying vulnerability of not being ready; who could take my place with my children, who would possibly love them as I love them? They are so little still, they wouldn’t even remember me. I hadn’t had time to give them all I wanted to, needed to. There was a sense of scrambling against the moment, desperately attached to our world, my body and its roles. Inside the dream I presenced anger, despair, terror, a total loss of control. How could this be, how could...
Read MoreJust Hanging Tough
“I know God will not give me anything I can’t handle. I just wish He didn’t trust me so much.” Mother Teresa The other day I woke up in one of those moods. You know what I am talking about? “Just leave me alone. This is wrong…That is off…What is this doing here? Can’t a man get a little time to himself for once?!” The good news is that at this point in my life I know that it is not the outer-stuff that is the problem; the “problems” are being generated by my internal state. The bad news — it still sucks! I hate feeling this way....
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Chris White, M.D. is a board-certified pediatrician whose parenting work aims to optimize the developmental potential of children and their parents. He regularly writes on 
