Make The Ordinary Come Alive
Do not ask your children to strive for extraordinary lives. Such striving may seem admirable, but it is a way of foolishness. Help them instead to find wonder and the marvel of an ordinary life. Show them the joy of tasting tomatoes, apples, and pears. Show them how to cry when pets and people die. Show them the infinite pleasure in the touch of a hand. And make the ordinary come alive for them. The extraordinary will take care of itself. William Martin, The Parent’s Tao Te Ching Try: With winter settling down upon us, I invite you to see what it is like to let go of...
Read MoreBeyond Behaviorism
The last couple of posts I have been unpacking praise and trying to make the distinction between praise used as manipulation and praise that is simply the natural response of the heart when we see the great mystery manifesting through our child in the form of some new capacity or insight. What I am really pointing to is the importance of stepping out of the judgmental layer — the layer where punishments and manipulative praise are believed to be the best way toward appropriate behavior. Not only is this approach ineffective in the long run, it is also harmful to our relationship with our...
Read MoreReward and Punishment
Be careful of rules for your children. Rules diminish responsibility. Be careful of rewards for your children. Rewards diminish self-esteem. Be careful of punishments for your children. Punishments diminish trust. Let lessons be imposed by the nature of things, not by your own agendas or your own needs. Integrity will replace rules. Contentment will replace striving. Spirituality will replace religion. Songs will replace arguments. Dances will replace battles. William Martin, The Parents Tao Te Ching Come and learn about the alternatives to punishment and rewards in Attachment,...
Read MoreResilience
“The mind creates the abyss, the heart crosses it.” Sri Nisargadatta Resilience is a quality we all want — now what exactly is it? Some people use the term resilience as the ability of an organism to survive extreme circumstances. Nature has provided its life forms with some amazing qualities of adaptation, and humans are no exception. But to me, survival — as important as it is — is only a first necessary step to thriving. The next two discriminations of resilience come — once again — from the insights of Gordon Neufeld. Gordon describes the next meaning of resilience...
Read MoreThe 5 Essential Elements of Relational Nourishment
“The most precious gift we can offer others is our presence. When mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers.” Thich Nhat Hanh Last week I summarized Dr. Gordon Neufeld’s understanding of how children mature in this way: The key to raising children is to be in right relationship with them, help them preserve their soft hearts, and then nature will do the beautiful work of maturing them into their full potential. Many people in North America have become quite cynical and do not believe that right relationship and the preservation of soft hearts will be...
Read MoreThe Sacred Genius of Generosity
The Sun, each second, transforms four million tons of itself into light, giving itself over to become energy that we, with every meal, partake of. For four million years, humans have been feasting on the Sun’s energy stored in the form of wheat or reindeer, as each day the Sun dies as Sun and is reborn as the Vitality of Earth. Every child of ours needs to learn the simple truth: She is the energy of the Sun. And we adults should organize things so her face shines with the same radiant joy. Human generosity is possible only because at the center of the solar system a...
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Chris White, M.D. is a board-certified pediatrician whose parenting work aims to optimize the developmental potential of children and their parents. He regularly writes on 
