Most Popular Posts

Heartbroken

Posted by on Feb 5, 2012 in Essential Development, Most Popular Posts | 3 comments

Tonight my heart is heavy. I listened into the phone in pain as my wife told me how my son cried tonight — his back turned to her as they lay in bed together — sobbing, three and a half, but fully heartbroken. He had to say goodbye (again) to his best friend and caregiver, Gina. This young woman has always given him her full and undivided attention and adoration. They laugh and play and cuddle every minute of their five-hour stretches together. If it weren’t for their obvious age difference, you would think they are lovers. And they are. I have never been so pained by the...

Read More

Take Crying Seriously; But Not Too Seriously

Posted by on Jul 15, 2011 in Most Popular Posts, Parenting Advice, Parenting Education, Practical Parenting | 1 comment

Let’s be honest—crying is tough on the nervous system. And it is designed to be. When children have an unmet need that is beginning to really cause a disruption in their nervous system, they cry or get really whiney as a direct reaction to the discomfort. The crying then enters us through our senses—mostly through sound, but visually as well if we see their contorted face and the tension in their bodies—and then travels from the sensory areas of our brain, into the limbic system and down into our bodies, all resulting in the feeling of “Something is wrong and we have got to...

Read More

Resilience, Vulnerability, and Growing Up

Posted by on Apr 15, 2011 in Most Popular Posts, Practical Parenting | 0 comments

“Hell is a fear of pain, while heaven is the faith that things will be OK.” Cloud Cult, Lights Inside My Head Over the last month or so, I have been exploring why boundaries, structures, and guidance are necessary for our kids to grow into their full potential. Here is a quick recap: Healthy boundaries and loving guidance are necessary to Keep our children safe  Guide them towards healthy living Help them develop into responsible beings Support them in becoming emotionally resilient Having already written about the importance of keeping our children safe and healthy, and...

Read More

Unpacking Praise

Posted by on Oct 16, 2010 in Most Popular Posts, Practical Parenting | 13 comments

“We have a cultural notion that if children were not engineered, if we did not manipulate them, they would grow up as beasts in the field. This is the wildest fallacy in the world.” Joseph Chilton Pearce Last week I summarized an article by Alfie Kohn on praise, and then tried to add some clarifications that I thought to be important. Judging by some of your responses, I need to try another pass at it this week. I am going to do this in a very exaggerated manner to make the distinctions clear. As regular readers of my blog know, I do not usually like to reduce the complexity of...

Read More

Attachment is Not the Elimination of Difficult Emotions

Posted by on Jul 26, 2010 in Attachment Parenting, Most Popular Posts, Practical Parenting | 9 comments

“Do not doubt your own basic goodness.  In spite of all confusion and fear, you are born with a heart that knows what is just, loving, and beautiful.” Jack Kornfield Here in the San Francisco bay area we have fantastic parents, many of whom are all about “attachment parenting.” This is really good news for their children and our culture at large. But some parents hold a view that attachment parenting means that their children should never cry, experience difficult emotions, or ever suffer a mis-attunement. Here are a few of the factors that may contribute to this...

Read More