Discipline — 4 “Must-Ask Questions”
There are so many discipline books out there. Do we know the long-term effects of these approaches? Many approaches to discipline give you tricks and techniques to gain short-term compliance out of your kids, but fail to help them grow into self-motivated, self-directed beings capable of respectful and responsible behaviors when you are not around to badger them. Here are the four questions you need to ask yourself when evaluating any particular discipline book or technique. How does this approach affect your relationship with your child? If your chosen method of discipline ruins...
Read MoreThe Yin and Yang of Discipline
Have you ever felt confused by the seemingly contradictory advice from “parenting experts?” You are not alone. Each approach to parenting — especially in the arena of discipline — claim to have the best method and often flatly refute the views of the other approaches. This drove me crazy, until one day the pieces snapped into place. Children need a variety of forms of nourishment to grow up whole and reach their full potential. Just like the physical body needs a variety of foods to get its complete nutritional requirements, the developing psyche needs a broad palate of...
Read MoreIndependence Requires Attachment
Hold your kids so they can fly. Several months ago, I wrote a post re-framing the way we might think about discipline. The short and skinny of that post is this: Real discipline is not merely obtaining short-term compliance out of your kids, but helping them become mature, self-motivated, and self-directed beings who understand the truth of interdependence. These qualities and capacities emerge when the brain is supported in wiring up in the most complex way possible, and in particular, when the pre-frontal cortex develops optimally (the area right between the eyes and behind the...
Read MoreTake Crying Seriously; But Not Too Seriously
Let’s be honest—crying is tough on the nervous system. And it is designed to be. When children have an unmet need that is beginning to really cause a disruption in their nervous system, they cry or get really whiney as a direct reaction to the discomfort. The crying then enters us through our senses—mostly through sound, but visually as well if we see their contorted face and the tension in their bodies—and then travels from the sensory areas of our brain, into the limbic system and down into our bodies, all resulting in the feeling of “Something is wrong and we have got to...
Read MoreA Place to Rest
Boy, do we keep running! The DNA of western culture is laced with anxiety and keeps us in constant motion. Everywhere we look there are subtle (and sometimes not-so-subtle) messages that “we must never be satisfied with simply keeping up with the Jones’; we must surpass them!” The result is that our nervous systems rarely come to a state of rest and our bodies and minds suffer through a life of chronic stress. Ask yourself, “Is this the life you want for your children?” Here are a few of the physical ailments that are linked to chronic stress: Heart...
Read MoreThe Development of Resilience
“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief… and of unspeakable love.” Washington Irving To my eye, cultivating emotional resilience in our children is the most important task ahead of us in the 21st century. This post will outline the steps required to help your children become adaptive when facing the unavoidable challenges of life. For those of you who have not been following this blog regularly, let me briefly clarify a few things: The adaptive...
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Chris White, M.D. is a board-certified pediatrician whose parenting work aims to optimize the developmental potential of children and their parents. He regularly writes on 
